There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
