idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
