i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
