im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
