Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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