I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
