I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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