I wanna passion pit in your ass
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
