I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
