That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
