Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
