I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The beer is more important than you right now.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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