i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
