you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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