That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
