dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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