did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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