My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
