pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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