Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize