so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
