So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Alive.
So much puke
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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