dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
