I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
