My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
