Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize