just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
