we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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