yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
