Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
