i just wanna soil my oats bro
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think I am morally bankrupt
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
This toilet bowl is my home.
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