I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
