i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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