at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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