Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
