I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
