Having a random hookup so left but love u
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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