he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
