before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
