So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize