my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
