if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
