Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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