He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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