U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
