I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
