This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
