I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
