Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
