It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
