I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i black out too much to be "responsible"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
