my being single is dangerous.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
