The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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