it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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