and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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