A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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