He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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