my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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