next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
