Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
