Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Randomize
