I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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