I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
