They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
