I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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