Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
