fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
