I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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